My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years. We have learned many things together. I’ve learned what makes our marriage work and how both of us can make it stronger. Over the years, we have found that one thing has worked in our marriage, despite all of its ups and downsides.
We didn’t learn the secret to a successful marriage from someone else. We didn’t learn it from a book. It was something that we developed naturally in our marriage and continued to do so over the years. One day, I realized that it was a behavior we had adopted for our marriage.
This was the first tip I gave to my friends and other couples when they asked for marriage advice or tips.
This marriage tip is for you. I hope it will be useful to you and your relationship. Adapt this tip to your family, your relationship and yourself!
What can I do for you?
This is the marriage tip that helped me create a team-based approach in my marriage and our parenting.
What can I do for you? What can I help you with?
Before my husband and me had children many years ago, I was talking to a friend about her “honey-do” list. She told me that she keeps this list on her counter, and when her husband gets home he looks it over and does the tasks.
The list didn’t include any major projects. Lists of simple tasks, like helping to maintain the home, were included. The list was full of simple tasks she asked him to complete for her. He realized early that doing these simple things made her feel loved in their marriage.
I realized that this is how we also do things in marriage. It was not a “honey do list” but a simple phrase we used in the mornings. We began our day by saying this phrase to each other to make things easier for both of us.
Teaming together
This marriage tip helped us create a team-based approach in our relationship. I didn’t think I was alone. I knew I could ask someone to help with the simple things. It was sometimes as simple as asking my husband to go to the store and pick up something for dinner or to take the kids to their activity.
It is true that “if you want to be fast, then go alone.” If you want go far, then go together. I never wanted to be alone or fast in my entire life. In my marriage I wanted to go further. I wanted to make a big impact on my family and the world. We both realized we were much more effective as a team.
Model It
This philosophy is also something we have taught our children. When dad comes home, he asks these questions. Or in the morning when we are trying to leave the house. Our children see us working together to run the home, and not just doing our own things. We all have different interests, activities and things that we do. But we come together and work as a family.
What Does Do?
The marriage tip I am going to give you is all about what I can do for you and how I can make your life easier. This shows mutual support. This shows your children you’re all on the same side. How can I improve your day? What can I do to help you become the best version of you?
This has made it easier for my husband and I to communicate. It makes me feel more comfortable and open to ask for my husband’s help knowing that he is ready to help. I don’t have to worry about him getting upset or me disrupting his day. My husband is always upfront with me if he can’t help me. He will tell me he won’t be able help or that he can’t do it today. He will tell me when he is able to help me, for example tomorrow.
Stress is reduced by asking each other how you can assist one another. My family has been less stressful since I knew my husband would help me when I was feeling overwhelmed. It reduces stress at home and among your children.
When we feel overwhelmed, our kids will easily detect it. When kids feel stressed, they may not want to do things like help them with a project or take them to an activity. We might feel that our children are the ones who are stressed out, and they stop asking for help or being involved with their lives.
What can you do today to start? How can it be implemented into your family and marriage? Sit down with your spouse and discuss how you might adapt this marriage advice to your married life or family by talking about it today. This marriage tip should have given you some ideas on how to strengthen your marriage.